Abducted By Ponies + To Be An Alien (aka Holy Crap It's Not Grimdark)

Well, this is my "I'm officially horribly bored and can't get the idea out of my head" project of today. It's not done, might not ever be done, and it's probably going to suck either way, but I don't know of anything else I can do that won't either be boring or find a way to hit all the wrong nerves right now.

Well, here it is. Critique if you wish, I honestly don't care right now but if I get a few good remarks or something I might reconsider.

And yes, in case you can't tell I'm not the happiest brony at the moment for various reasons, most of which I don't care to discuss.

Edit:

Well, I've started on a second part. I don't know if it will be as good as the first, and it's only got a little bit so far, but here it is.

That's a good read.

Wait. 6 of the humies got ported in, right?

There are 6 of us on the Goblin's Friend team.


COINCIDENCE?



Anyway, how much of the stuff in that is from reality? I can see the bay12 stuff...

The previous five were unaligned humans who knew nothing about the show, hence the ponies' lack of knowledge.

Alex is me. I'm basically writing out my imagination. It's a rare direct glimpse into my fucked-up psyche that only a select few people ever get to see.

Please, do keep writing (that is if you want to keep writing)

Well, I wrote a new section. Kinda silly, a little sexual suggestiveness but nothing that would get it 18+.

First, I'm gonna say I'm not too keen about reading humans in Equestria stuff or vice versa for that matter.
Self-inserts of any kind of fan-fiction I abhor, but that is probably cause of the Mary Sue and Stu syndrome that plagues self-insert fan-fiction. In your favor, Alex is not one, at least for now.

And yea, Kinky RD, I'd plant a hoof upside her head for that, not that it'll make her change her ways.... Just more along the lines of self-satisfaction.
The writing ain't too bad either.

I'm playing as me, not 'what I'd like to be' or anything like that.

Admittedly, I might not portray myself perfectly since there's very few mirrors that show the content of the soul, but I'm just trying to recreate who I am as best I can.

I have no idea where this story could be going (if anywhere), but I'm definitely interested in reading more of it!
The only thing that struck me as strange was Twilight Sparkle being all "Oh yeah, we're a show in his dimension, nothing unusual there." If anything, that would be a big "WTF?" moment for everyone involved.

I'm tempted to join, if only to parody the blatantness of the self insertion!

The collection of quarks labelling itself "Armok" transitioned from the cluster of states labelled as "unconscious" to the cluster of states labelled as "concious".

It found itself staring in a very plain white room, and which it's visual cortext told it contained a colection of quarks labeled "Twilight Sparkle".

... wait a moment, Twilight Sparkle is not a collection of quarks! Inconsistent belief state detected! From any contradiction, any statment can be proved, thus all staments are true! Wait, no... Dammit, need to fix that bug...

The monkey like creature quickly elliminated the dream hypothesis by looking at it's nose.

Twilight... white room... Oh, I recognize this, it's the self insert fanfic TBP made and I read yesterday!

"Twilight sparkle? Listen closely, as we speak more than 6460 people are being permanently eradicated from the multiverse each hour! I need the magic to save them. I assume Celestia is just outside this room?"

... just kidding. :p

If I joined, as Sean, I'd be watching silently from the sidelines, just standing there, pretending to be a part of the stonework, unnoticed even by security cameras. Well, maybe noticed by Pinkie Pie. My Multiworlds character's general attitude of "observe but don't intervene unless absolutely necessary for world stability" applies pretty well to myself (you could say I made him with myself in mind, but many of his other qualities are almost opposite of mine).

The idea of ponies doing this sort of a scientific experiment is a little.. well, I'd say odd, but I suppose weirder things have been done by ponies in fanon. All in all, I'm so far curious as to where this whole thing will go, and it doesn't seem half bad as far as writing goes (which is more than I can say for your part in FiN's second half, the original version moreso than the revision, but it still needs some touching up).

Thinking about this has suddenly given me a weird idea of a reverse My Little Dashie fic... nothing I can write, or want to, but the premise itself is interesting, if somewhat hard to actually be made to work.

I agree with Armok in that it's very tempting to write a story where one joins, simply because the set-up could lead basically anywhere (shipping fic/gorn fic/sadfic/adventure/slice-of-life) and because the reader automatically wonders "How would I react?"

That being said, this is Slag's story and I don't wanna mess with what might become canon in the context of this fanfic later, so I'll just sit back and watch it unfold.

First, Slag, I want you to know that I hope you're alright. Whatever's going in your life right now, I hope it isn't serious. Get better, alright?
That said, I would be interestewd in this too :p I don't know if I can be honest enough with myself to accurately describe my reactions, but it would be fun to try :D

Thanks for the sympathy Debesh.

What's nice is that just writing this little bit has helped to make me feel a bit better. If I had a bit more time on my hands, I'd probably try and write another part right now, but as it stands I'm currently sitting in a small rest area in college eating lunch and waiting for my fast-approaching next class.

Slag wrote:What's nice is that just writing this little bit has helped to make me feel a bit better. If I had a bit more time on my hands, I'd probably try and write another part right now, but as it stands I'm currently sitting in a small rest area in college eating lunch and waiting for my fast-approaching next class.

Hey, do whatever makes you feel good! Don't bother with your gorn fics if you don't feel like writing them. Not only don't they make you feel better, but forcing yourself to write when you don't really want to hurts your style.
What I'm trying to say: Don't feel bad for leaving some stories unfinished.
If writing stories like this one makes you feel better, write stories like this one. If writing shipping fics makes you feel better, write shipping fics. If writing completely absurd speedfics (like Argembarger's) makes you feel better, write bloody speedfics!
I'm looking forward to any and all of your stories (except the Grimdark ones because seriously).

Also, get better, bro!

Updated it with another part. It's a bit short and might seem a little rushed, but I'm at a loss for improving it so I guess it's satisfactory for now. Make that 2 parts. Hope you guys don't mind a rant, especially considering the subject matter, but I have to write what I'm thinking about or I start feeling bad.

And thanks for the love. Feels good to know people care, you know?

Edit: Another update. Seems there's a bit less interest than when I started, but I'm sure someone's still reading it.

Well, I seem to have come up to a rut. My mind was feeding me ideas pretty well through the last two days, but it seems I've run out of ideas for the time being, at least ones that aren't right out. Maybe I'll be able to think up a little more tomorrow, or even later today. I'm not too worried, though, because I never really said I would finish it, or even planned for an end. Hopefully, I'll be able to think up some good ideas, and it will all come together.

Slag wrote:Another update. Seems there's a bit less interest than when I started, but I'm sure someone's still reading it.

Yup, still totally reading it. I liked the Applejack part. The religion part... not so much, but that's just personal preference.
The party was sort of expected and the kiss with Rainbow Dash... well, it was bound to happen sooner or later.

All in all, I'm enjoying it so far, although there are some things I just can't get out of my mind. For example, why does Alex never ask how the ponies even understand and speak English? It's a self-insert, so there really doesn't need to be an explanation as to why he doesn't, but if I was in your spot, it would have been one of my first questions.

Considering that I'm the sixth human, I probably would have assumed that they had already learned at least English, since it's one of the most prolific languages on the planet. As for the religion part, I'd been thinking about the linked song a lot (it's actually an amazing song, and even though it's Christian it makes no direct mention of God. My mom sent it to a friend of hers and the friend thought it was a love song) and it sorta brought up a few mental issues. I could probably counterbalance it with a few arguments in favor of atheism, but having never been atheistic or even really properly agnostic, I'd probably find a way to misrepresent it and piss people off.

Mandarin and Spanish are spoken by nativity more then English. Data Here
It just means that your little ponies grabbed people from places like the UK or US... so their reach into Earth is implied to be quite limited...

Being fluent in English is another matter... but I guess magic is the catch-all answer...

English may not be the most fluently spoken native tongue, but it's pretty much the world's trade language.

Even if they didn't actually learn the languages, I'd imagine that they'd be using magic as a universal translator, pretty much just using thought to translate word.

Huh, I thought it would have been some sort of magic. Learning a foreign language that is completely different from the ones you know (so, no deriving meanings of words from Latin or Greek) without any guidance, while possible, is really freaking difficult. It would also mean that they kept the humans there for a really long time. While the story itself is one big unfortunate implication, the implications just keep piling up (For example, how did they check if the creatures they abducted could even breathe/exist in their dimension? Did they even check?). That may be intentional, but it would make the ponies much more darker than the general (so far) lighthearted tone of the story would have one believe.

I might be overanalyzing it, but that's what I do.

Ninja-Edit: Ah, so magic is the answer? Okay, that makes much more sense now.

I'm still reading, don't you worry.

Well, all great things must come to an end, and I've finally wrapped up my little experimental work. It's a little cheesy, but the good kind. I hope.

Either way, hope you enjoy!

So...when is the sequel?

I was considering seeing if EqD thought it was any good before starting on a sequel, but I've got ideas already brewing. Mostly centered around Rainbow Dash's reaction to finding me as a pony.